My Father...

I study the word a lot. I don't say that to boast or because it means something to anyone but me and G-d. I do it because I am commanded to do so as in Joshua 1:8 and because most of all, I love it! I remember when it was more of a chore for me, than the pleasure that it is now. It took me a long time to develop this great love for the word that I have today. I remember the first time I bought a bible and was completely confused because I had never realized that there were that many translations. I didn't grow up in church like a lot of people did. I can count the amount of visits to church between my two hands prior to getting saved 7 years ago. I laugh at that time now because it's weird to see how greatly G-d has moved in my life.

I thank G-d for not having to undo tradition and man made doctrine that I see so many people in the body struggle with. When I got saved I entered as an empty vessel waiting to be filled. I struggled with study because I found that I couldn't understand how a book this old could be relevant to my life as it stood now. But so much time has passed since then, and I see myself in the pages of this book everyday. The fact that G-d has given me so much understanding and revelation to his word keeps me in his word. What keeps me in prayer every day is the fact that I am so thankful that he even wants to spend time talking to me about all this stuff he sees and knows about anyway. I can't believe I can qualify to be called his daughter.

It's been hard to grow to understand that he's my father because I was raised without mine. I expected him to disappoint me and even when I thought he had in the past, I can now look back and see how he simply looked further ahead than I was able to see. I spend time with him because I feel like I would disappoint him to be absent from our special time together. He would miss me too much. Time and again he shocks and amazes me of his love and his mercy towards me. I love him as if he's flesh but with a deeper appreciation because I know he's always there. I don't have to try to reach him through a long distance connection, make time to vacation to see him because I now live states away and writing him is optional but not necessary. I watch my children go to my husband when they are angry, frustrated, sad and happy. No matter what they've done, he welcomes them with open arms every time because they are his babies. Likewise my father treats me the same way. I know I disappoint him sometimes but he still loves me and welcomes me with open arms.

I have to tell you that I am so grateful that he has allowed me the gift of my spiritual father here on earth. People may have labeled me a church hopper because I couldn't seem to settle on one particular church for a while, but even as immature as I was my heavenly father knew I was searching for something far deeper than the average church. He gave me a prophet to raise me up and feed me with knowledge and wisdom. I didn't even know for sure that I was called to preach until I learned what (or rather who) that audible voice I heard in the middle of night was that used to rattle me awake. Not to mention that I thought was a "snooper" into peoples lives until I learned that G-d had given me the gift of dreams. (I thought I was psychic-so he helped :) So one of my pet peeves is church membership and the other is relationships within the body of Christ.

I thank my father for looking out for me in even the smallest matters that seem insignificant to others but are relevant to me--and him. Even as I continue to grow daily he keeps me strong even when I don't hardly feel worthy nor able to bear another moment of the life I created before I asked for his intervention. One of the things I love the most about him is how I am never going to catch him off guard with a decision that I have made. Knowing this keeps me from condemnation. Though I am having to deal with the consequences of choices that I made, and while waiting for deliverance to the next level, I have learned to embrace this time of "wilderness" so that when I come out, I won't ever forget what it was to make decisions minus his sanction. (Or even ignoring his advice). Even in this I have learned that he'll teach you how to operate in a bad situation so that you "sow" towards a future harvest. An earthly father wouldn't have had this much wisdom and insight. He wouldn't have had an answer for everything I go through. So I am not disappointed now that I didn't have what my children have. He's still been the best father to me that I could have ever hoped for or even deserved.
Just wanted to share. Be blessed. Chosen.