Monday, August 27, 2007

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

I know I have been missing for a minute, but as I always say, if anything has to be cut when life gets busy, he blog is the first thing, I put off until things slow down. Not that things have actually slowed yet, but I missed reading my favorite blogs and I definitely miss writing here.

I can’t tell you how much I love living here. Funny thing is, I really didn’t want to come. I just couldn’t imagine moving here and being happy. So I came almost kicking and screaming. It’s weird how we talk about wanting change and then fight it every step of the way when G-d pushes us in a new direction. It’s that unfamiliar territory that scares us because we forget that G-d is going to be with us every step of the way on our new journey. As His children, He would never let go of our hand until we are ready to stand on our own.

As much as I thought I knew about me and with all the things I thought I was beginning to learn, I realized that I still know very little about myself. I have come to realize little things about myself that while new to me are very familiar to G-d. Take for instance, living here. I’m at the point of not being able to imagine living anywhere else. If you would have told me that I would be saying that almost a year ago I would have laughed myself silly. What makes me love it so much is the fact that there are tons of family geared activities. There are hundreds of parks and trails in the communities that allow families to stay active together. And I love natural things. Outside is my favorite place to be. The climate is perfect for outdoor activities. Just enough heat during the day with a breeze still flowing to keep you cool most of the time. (I.e. there is very little humidity). We have been taking the kids to the mountains on the weekends or on off days so we can all hike and walk the trails and just get out and spend time together. They love it! There is lots of open space for growing children to run and play endlessly.

Surprisingly, I have been so incredibly happy here. It’s just been an amazing time for me. But I realized that I had linked everything that was good to this new place and quite frankly that’s not what it is. While this may contribute to my overall feeling of well being, it’s really because I finally really like me. Faults, imperfections, and still “under construction”, ME. I finally get that I can only give what I have. I can’t instill confidence in my children if I don’t have it for myself. How do I teach it to them? If I don’t truly love all of me, how do I fully genuinely love them or anyone else? I hear people say they love someone when you can tell by the manner in which they treat themselves and allow others to treat them that they couldn’t possibly. Placing others before yourself or giving more to another person than you give to yourself is no indication that you love someone. That’s just a common misconception. It starts with self first. That’s why Jesus made a point to tell us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31). How can I love you like I love myself if I don’t love me? Loving me first benefits all those in my circle. It’s a trickle effect. Looking back I can now see how I attracted some of the people I did in my past. People who treated me like dirt because secretly I treated me the same way.

In this season, G-d has shown me how to open myself up a little more. I had to be open to myself and first and now to others. With my heart open, I am more able to fully allow love and friendship in my life. It’s been absolutely amazing.

But here’s the thing, all the things that I am discovering about myself aren’t new. They were there all the time, I just never allowed myself to entertain them. Often we set up boundaries early in life. There are things that we some how feel are for “others” but not something we would do ourselves. Most of that is “environmental programming”. We limit ourselves based on the experiences we have as we grow up and the people we are surrounded by during that time. Parents and loved ones have the ability to either feed our hopes and dreams or stifle the limitless possibilities that our lives can be with their fear and obstructed vision of the world and life in general. But at some point if we allow G-d, He will show us different aspects of ourselves that tend to go unnoticed because we fail to be open to anything but that which we feel comfortable with. We tend to want to avoid things that will genuinely make us accountable for who we are It’s in the midst of those new discoveries that we are able to see how to live our best lives-- the life He predestined from eternity.

Being more open for me has opened many doors that would have otherwise remained closed. So much of the reason why I am loving life here has very little to do with where I am living or the people that I have met but more about me coming into. well ME. I have found a peace and an element of quiet confidence in my Father’s ability to keep me in any circumstance. It’s not new, however I made the discovery just when I needed to. There are a lot more discoveries that I have to share but since time is short right now, I’ll reserve them for later.

Until next time…
Be Blessed. Chosen.


Blogger Heart Drops said...

yaay! Glad you're back and all is well.I missed reading your posts!

9:29 AM  
Blogger SMW said...

I was just trying to find your email so that I can tell you that I miss you.

Ms. Tee

5:10 PM  

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