Friday, May 25, 2007

Progress…

No scripture—just one woman sharing…

This week has been an incredibly long week for me. Lots of work—which to be honest, bears no similarity to work at all. It feels so natural when I’m working with my clients. Funny thing is I bring these people home with me. Long after the day, I find myself aware of things about them that cause me to sit up in bed and write notes on them late at night. I realize that in them, I see a small piece of me in every one of them. (Especially since 99% of them are women) Helping them, helps me learn a little more about me every day.

I have had two major “aha” moments this week. One from Lady Lee’s stories this week and the other from Op.rah. In the course of reading LadyLee’s story of the week, I understood how much watching the “Days of my Mothers’ life” have programmed certain mindsets into me. I knew they has some effect on me, but in the midst of life, we bury some things and “forget” that they happened or fail to see how they dropped a little nugget into your life that you are now carrying around acting on. Consequently it’s making me take a closer look at what my own children are “viewing”. Adults tend to live their lives as if there are no witnesses but them and G-d. But children are watching. In the midst of our “moments”, behind the door or in front of them, they are picking up things. And they are not as slow as we tend to believe they are. They get what we don’t vocalize. And they “hear” what’s really going on. They hear us bad talk others, retell other peoples business, they hear our viewpoint on everything from people, G-d, politics and TV. All of that is silently “programming” them as well. They study our habits, mannerisms and they make them their own. They become “imitators”.

I think about myself, in that as bad as I wanted to not be ANYTHING like my mother, I have a lot her in me. It irks when I act like her. But G-d is faithfully illuminating areas so that I can get as much of her out of me as possible! I thank Him for that, because for the longest, I could not see it. I love her and I know she loves me in her own capacity, but she doesn’t know me. She’s never read anything that I have written as an adult, knows nothing of my life goals, dreams, or desires. She’s seen me preach once and doesn’t remember that I told her I was writing a book(s). She simply has no clue as to who I am. People who read this blog know more about me than she does. Even when I talk to her now, it’s about surface stuff, her dog, her life and her sharing pieces of other people’s lives. I feel sad for her. She’s missing out on some things. I used to think that only of my dad, who at 32, I still have yet to meet. He has an excuse, he wasn’t there, but she was. I find it incredibly sad for a parent to be in a house with a child and still fail to know them. To miss the adulthood of their children as well is just pitiful. I was thinking while reading
LadyLee’s story how much that man was missing of his child’s life while he was out running the street and what the mother was missing as well while she was fuming over the father being out and longing for him to be there. It reminded me to be present with my children at all times allowing them to be my focus instead of other things or people.

The “aha” moment from Op.rah today was that her life coach was telling a group of women, that children don’t mimic what we give them, they mimic what we give ourselves. Her example was if they see you loving them but not yourself, they don’t learn how to love themselves either. Sheesh! I definitely have a hard time caring for me. I rarely reward myself and feel weird when people give me any type of praise or comments. I’m a long ways away from a big head! I celebrate, encourage and minister to others, but rarely have time for me. That’s why as much as I Love my 5 children, I don’t mention them here often. This is MY little peace of space for me. (If you ever wondered about that, now you know) This year I am discovering a lot about me, some things I like, but a lot of things I need to work on. The more I learn, the more that can be fixed, the more progress I can make forward. I love how G-d uses the most unlikely things to bring clarity and change. He never stops amazing me!

As always, be blessed.
Chosen.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Serenity23 said...

I have been missing out on your lovely nuggets of wisdom. Don't know what I've been doing lately. But I do watch as Tyler mimicks the things I say. Just yesterday he was unhappy about me not buying him somehting. I can't even remember what. But I told him he has lots of things to be grateful for and I listed a bunch of stuff (material stuff). Yesterday one of his playmates was crying b/c he wanted something and Tyler told him that he shouldn't cry, he should be grateful for all the books, games, tv, movies and everything he has.. It made everyone stop and pause.. Ha! It really made me see that that little kid listens hard to what I say and right now, he thinks it is the gospel. I have to be reminded that sometimes I do things in front of him,that I probably shouldn't do. Like cursing... It's good to read this and be reminded that I am such a work in progress.

11:06 AM  
Blogger chele said...

I'm more like my mother than I care to admit. Some good, some not so good. Also, I saw that Oprah episode and it really opened my eyes about what I'm representing for my children.

1:57 PM  
Blogger DJ Diva said...

Right now I am very estranged from my mother...and as much as I see the pain in the twins eyes when they say they miss her...I think of all the nasty things she says about me and scribe when they are around...and how bad she hurt them with her words...and I hug them and tell them it's for the best right now...

It's amazing how I notice that the majority of the women in my family act the same...distrustful...skeptical...man bashing...man belittling....argue for hours about nonsense....pick and pick otherwise known as nagging.....and the constant comparisons to other people who are actually not better off than you are...

I made it a point to not treat anyone in my household like that...and I mentally catch myself before going on the tirades that I was brought on....as a result...people who have known me for years...when they meet my family...often remark "you're nothing like them"

Because I choose to be different.

I feel ya.

10:11 AM  
Blogger T said...

Interesting post. Somehow I think it's one only a mother can fully understand (which I am not yet I should add.) To be honest, reading your post here, the comments to it, remembering an Oprah episode I saw (maybe the same one you're talking about) with Demi Moore and how strained Demi was from her mom and how Oprah seemed to relate so well to that, I'm amazed that so many women have such deficient even hostile relationships towards their moms. I think it takes a lot of strength to journey through womanhood/ motherhood without the benefit of leaning on your own mom. My hat goes off to you and others like you.

And I must add that I'm glad you explained why you don't mention much about your children on here. As long as I've been reading you, I've often wondered how having 5 KIDS, what would seem a HUGE part of the life of a 32 year old aspiring career woman, preacher, and writer, rarely seeps into your blog. Now I know that that is not unintentional, lol.

At any rate, it's good to hear you progressing and growing.

T

11:29 AM  
Blogger Rosemarie said...

Mothers are people too, but I intend to give my daughter permission to tell me when I'm not respecting her boundaries. This will be a necessary ingredient for our successful relationship.

Mothers of every age need to realize that as their children mature they'll need to redefine their relationship in a healthy way that both parent and child can move forward in a respectful way.

The "old school" I demand respect holds no weight. Respect must be earned and boundaries recognized.

I’ll take all the good form my family, and leave the bad, ugly, and toxic!

Heavenly Voice
http://avoicetobeheard.blogspot.com/

8:35 AM  
Blogger Rosemarie said...

PS God is amazing! He shows us through many life experiences and for you through your work with women, what is deficient and necessary for a successful journey with your children.

Blessings....

8:38 AM  

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