Sunday, October 28, 2007

Run your race…

“And let us run with patience the race that is set before us…: Hebrews 12:1c

I can not tell you how much I have missed this place. Writing is so much of who I am that when I don’t do it, I know that I am definitely missing out on something. I haven’t even of late made time to at least read my other favorite blogs so I have a lot of catching up to do.

Life is good. Not because everything is perfect or going well, but merely because I’m thankful to have it. I have decided to slow down in some areas of my life. Mainly my schedule. Over the summer I spent tons of time running between home with the kids’ activities, taking care of my family, work, and trying to find time for myself. I ended up with a cold that I found a little harder to get over than usual. My daughter, who is 14, suggested that I rest- not partially but put “my list” down and be still. I think I ignored her “childish” advice for about one more week before I decided that she had the word on that thing. While I was still, G-d reminded of all the things I REALLY wanted to do and why those things were important.

The first place I made cuts was in my job. Shorter hours with less responsibility work best for me. As much as I love it, I realized after some prolonged thought that I allowed myself to get caught up with all of that. Ever go into something with one clear intent and find yourself completely off target a while later forgetting what it was you originally desired? That’s where I found myself of late. Initially I took it to put funds into other projects I wanted to expand of my own. Those projects have found themselves on hold longer than they should’ve been. But once I started this job, I fell in love with my clients and wanting to use that place as a form of ministry. And while it’s still ministry to me, I lost my desire to become a director like I thought I wanted to. I think more than anything, I kinda got swept up in the fact that for once In a long time I felt necessary, capable, and talented and accomplished. In hindsight I was simply receiving from people a validation of who G-d had already showed me I was. Sad, but true. Accepting that promotion was a blinding moment. I allowed myself to be distracted. But, with clearer vision, I’ve taken a step back and 10 steps forward.

I don’t know what came over me. I’m competitive by nature. I never thought that I was, but during this fantastic year of discovery, I know I am. That competitive spirit serves to work well at times and works against me at others. Initially, I needed to erase doubt within myself of what I am capable of. You know erase some invisible stigma I thought was attached to me as a “Stay at home Mom”. I allowed myself to compare myself to other women thinking I can do more, give more, be more. You know that whole unwritten standard that we can try to adhere to. I have always in the past been able to see the value in what I took on as a stay at home mother. You can’t belittle wiping runny noses, hugging away tears, reading story books, or preparing home cooked meals. It’s intangible. Somehow I forgot that.

I understand that I have to run my race. My life works for me, because it’s built on my core beliefs and around my priorities. I define the standard. It can’t be compared to no one else’s. I am called to something totally unique. Therefore I have to run at my speed, on my level and in my time. I live a fantastic life. And in that I am beyond content. I feel no loss with my steeping away from what may seem like a great position. I already had one, I simply needed to be reminded of that.

As always, Be Blessed,


Blogger Rosemarie said...

Some great nuggets of truth here! God is always making us shift our perspective when it calls for it. I'm rejoicing that you have found contentment in Christ and His calling on your life, wherever that is, or how it evolves.

12:47 AM  
Blogger - said...

Oh, I love this blog! I have so many friends that are "stay at home" moms so I totally understand where you are coming from.

YES, I know that still place all too often. I am actually in that season in my life. It's an incredible thing. Because I used to always think I trusted God. But, I have come to realize that I have always tried to help him out with my life. Especially, if I felt like He wasn't going fast enough. Little did I know, His timing was always perfect. Sometimes we need to be still so that we can focus again and keep our eye on what He put us on this earth to do. It helps you find yourself and discover who you really are when you take a "TIME OUT!" God is a genius isn't he?
Be still and know that I am God he says.
Sometimes its hard to sit with your thoughts. But, when you brings such healing and it puts a mirror to our face so that we can answer the tough questions and really dig deep.

You are on the right track! Awesome blog!

5:15 AM  

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