"It only takes everything you got!"--Counting the cost...


I have to start off by saying that I have had what is typically known as Insomnia for the last week. As a Christian, what everyone else calls insomnia is what the bible calls "watching".(ref Habakkuk 2:1 and Mark 13:33) It's the period of time that you find yourself unable to sleep because the father is trying to get you a special message for whatever situation you are facing right now or will face in the upcoming season. Instead of doing what we typically do when we can't sleep-watching a lot of TV or reading a good page turner, G-d calls us to his word.

Obviously, I was missing the message because an entire week? So finally this morning I got it. Funny thing about watching is that you won't really find yourself tired as much as you are anxious to know what father has to say to you. I wanted to be sure that I get it and get it right. I told you, I miss it sometimes. Prime example...Yesterday morning I was in the kitchen the Holy spirit said "take communion". I ignored it and went on about the day. Now why did my spiritual father get up and say that you need to take communion to cleanse the bloodline of things that are put into the flesh from your parents. I missed it. I missed it but I got right back on it this morning.

I found myself reading the psalms and father said "Without being thrown into the pit Joseph never could've became the man that he was." hmmm...Well I have to tell you that I had been a little irritated last week. I know that with anything it's a process. Mentally that is easy to agree with. Waiting it out however is the issue. During that season of waiting, you inevitably become ashamed of your lack. You get tired of telling your children "not yet", you become worn out from people looking at you funny as if you must be in some deep hidden sin because you still don't have all the father promises yet you claim he's your daddy! You walking around singing the songs of Zion but yet you can't even manage some of the simple things that others are enjoying.

I have to tell you that occasionally I get angry with G-d. And I tell him. I know he knows but until I acknowledge it he can't answer me. So I tell him everything I feel. It doesn't change the immense love that I have for him nor his for me. I rather think he appreciates my honesty and my candidness. I told him how I felt the other day. He reminded me that I had told him I no longer wanted to operate in anything but divine will. Whatever he has to tear up, burn out, uproot--so be it. I said that. So really I don't have anything to complain about. I just need to wait this thing out. It's highly uncomfortable though I have to tell you. I realized that I hadn't counted the cost of my request.

I bought a book last week from the Second Editions in the Central Library. It was called "It only takes everything you've got" by Julio Melara. It's a small(only about 128 pgs) no nonsense book
that shares the authors tips and nuggets for a successful life. It's a good read. I haven't finished it yet, but I love it already. I bought it for the title. I fell in love with in the opening pages when he said he does 3 things every morning read, write and run. It drove me to keep reading.

Nevertheless, the point I am trying to make is, serving G-d is only going to cost everything that you have. Jesus said "And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:38 In the midst of my anger I forgot that. I also forgot that in order to serve G-d and follow Jesus the disciples had to leave all to become who he said they were. Peter was kind enough to remind Jesus of that in Luke 18:28. And even they at one point turned back and went back fishing after Jesus had left because they were afraid to continue without the physical presence of Jesus. (John 21:3) So please tell me what I was complaining about? You would have never known that Peter who had the revelation of who Jesus really was and who loved him immensely would deny him and turn back from his walk momentarily. But he did that. Going fishing was returning to his vomit that he had been delivered from 3 years prior when he was called by Jesus. All that knowledge and revelation, yet he still suffered from the same things most of us suffer from-- doubt, unbelief and ultimately fear. Jesus loved him no less though. The angels made a point to call Peter by name when he they sought Jesus at the sepulcher.

And finally Joseph...To serve G-d you will encounter Joseph moments. Prepared to be hated by the very folks that should love you and embrace you. That includes other saints and even family. They believe in your prophecy more than you do. They can see who you are even when can't. Be prepared for undue hatred. Be prepared to suffer betrayal, captivity, isolation, shame, promotion, demotion, purging, humiliation and an emotional roller coaster. Be prepared to feel forgotten, lost and separated from everyone and anything that you loved. Be prepared then to know you are anointed and having to preach the gospel, share a word, deliver others out of their mess while you are still waiting to be delivered yourself. You'll have to preach father and his goodness even when you can't seem to get what you preach to show up in your life.
But also understand that you are right where he wants you to be so that you can be prepared for all that he has for you. Your promotion will shock everyone when it happens. You are simply being tested in your faithfulness to serve him under any and every condition.


Count the cost. It's still worth it.
Be blessed.
Chosen.