At the suggestion of Serenity I am posting this because I think it may be helpful to single people. I have talked about this before--but this time it’s in a question and answer format. It’s long--and I warn you, you may be offended if you don’t truly love the word!

Serenity Asked…
What are your thoughts on unequally yoked? I know that a general consensus is if someone is not of the same belief. But what about folks that are not where you are spiritually. For instance if you make God the head of your life in everything (at least you attempt to) and you meet a man who is going to church, but God isn't the head of his life and he's not studying the word? Or what about someone who isn't saved at all?

I answered…
I'm not an expert or anything, but I watch people and I study relationships that I happen to come into contact with.
When the word refers to unequally yoked it refers to it in all points. What we fail to understand is that maturity is a process. We should at least be in the same place starting out. Women have a tendency to pick people based on potential. We don't understand that you can't rise any higher than your head. The man is the head of a woman. If he is immature, you can't even work out of you the things that you need to overcome while you are connected to that man.

We also don't understand that G-d would not send us an immature man because that would be a snare. G-d gives us men that are WHOLE because in his eyes a man must be able to love his wife as G-d loves the church. G-d gave everything for the church. A man must be able to carry his household in all points. Biblically a man was the sole support of the home. G-d rarely even addressed a woman the way he addressed a man. You are supposed to submit to this man. How can you submit to a man who has not made G-d his head? That’s why the scripture says submit to him as is fit--he’s supposed to be submitted to G-d first! That's why the warning is there in the word and that's why he was always telling them about not hooking up with everybody.
If you think about it, G-d really only talks about 2 things in his word--loving/serving him only and watching who you hook up with. Everything else is a branch of those 2 things.

Going to church is nothing. It's just a place. But the word says if you abide in me, he'll abide in us. Abiding is a work. You have to read the word, hear it, speak it and work at living it. If you hook up with someone and they are not where you are spiritually, they will take you backwards instead of forwards. Even if you start out at the same place, you have to keep up with one another. Not just in the word, but in reading, learning, fitness. You have to maintain a level where both people can be happily confined in the relationship. If one doesn't do that, you open the door for divorce because you can't even communicate effectively. Your thinking is elevated and theirs is not.

I watch people go through this time and again because what they don't understand is, eventually something is going to happen that the one who was spiritually in another place will begin to cleave to G-d and they will resent the other person for their lack of cleaving. What's in you in a moment of crisis or pain or whatever the situation may be, will come forth in the form of the word and you will revert back. But if there is nothing in the other person, they won't understand how you are able to react the way you do. A man can say he fears G-d, but in that fear there must be some serving in the form of walking the walk. G-d and his word are one. How can you then say you fear him and you won't make contact with him in his word? So then if you don't love G-d wholly, how can you then really love me? A woman is supposed to benefit from the relationship a man has with G-d and vice versa. All the stuff we go through with G-d teaches us how to go through things with people. If they don't have that, can the relationship really make it? Only if the man catches up and changes. And if not, then only if the woman is willing to settle and compromise. But she must be aware then that she will be carrying that family spiritually which is exhausting when trials hit!

Maturity should take place in the dating stage over an extended period of time. Otherwise that person should not even be considered for marriage.

Then Serenity said and asked…
That brought on a whole other question now. I recently finished a book called Saved, Single & Having Sex by Ty Adams. She kind of pointed out that when you are saved, you no longer date in the same manner you use to. However, she doesn’t' really outline it in detail. I can see just from myself a change. But once I do meet a man, question is how do you date? Or get to know whether someone is where you need him to be with his walk? Last week that a man sat next to me in church and he was attractive, but I couldn't even entertain him b/c I asked him what type study bible he had and he didn’t' know and didn’t seem like he even picked it up outside of bringing it to church. I don’t' want anybody hindering me or pulling me back. I got enough of my own demons and past to have quite enough to battle.

I haven’t read that book and I have only heard a little here and there about it.
The thing that I have noticed is that single people aren’t being taught how to date effectively after getting saved. My Spiritual Father does a lot of teaching on relationships because as a prophet he is supposed to pull down and to destroy…(Jeremiah 1:10). 85-90% of the people that are married in our ministry will end up divorced in the next couple of years. That’s his job. Most of them are unhappy and have ended up with the wrong people and you know half the husbands don’t even go to church. In the respect of knowing whether they are where they should be--Can he teach you something from the word? Does what his mouth says and his actions line up? Can he correct you from the word? Can he take correction from you from the word? Submission is 2-fold. Both parties must submit to one another where the word is concerned.

First of all, saved women (and really just women in general) need to stop acting so desperate. You do not have to take any man that comes your way. Being saved should make you more aware of what you do not want because you had that in the world! You are in the kingdom now. Your mind is supposed to be renewed to doing things G-d’s way! That is why the scripture says that old things are passed away. Daughter’s of Zion don’t get their spouses the same way women in the world have to get their’s--by any means necessary--Just taking whatever comes thinking that there is a shortage. There is no shortage. God knew when you were going to enter the kingdom. Moreover, he knew that you would need a mate. He has been preparing that man for you! You just have to be willing to wait on what he has for you. Can’t no one take the man he has for you. You are not subject to men on the down low, those in jail, or broke men! You’re a daughter! A real father prepares his best for his child! G-d is a REAL Father!

Take it from a married woman, you want a man that is in the word and that has made G-d his priority. Your home will be a ministry not a deliverance ministry. You don’t have time to be converting no man, trying to get him in church, teach him the word, get him off drugs, alcohol, or keep him from hoeing! You don’t have time for that! The man G-d has for you is whole-he’s in the church, he’d dealt with his issues, and he will be financially stable. Women in the church don’t believe G-d is capable of that so they get anxious and they use the same tactics an unsaved woman is subject to. What about not being conformed to the mindset of the world? If you do it the world way, you get the devil’s man. He’ll be packaged lovely, but give him some time when the ribbon is old and the box is funky!

The reason some of us have HIV and have down low men in the church is because we got spouses the way the women in the world got them--without consulting G-d. Men are in there looking for women that are saved because as I heard one down low man say--”they are good wives and they don’t cheat and they have been taught to submit. So they put up with anything!” The devil is a lie!

The problem is with women--we don’t trust G-d in the area of finding us a mate. We think he’s going to give us something that we don’t want. As if he is stupid or don’t know what you want, you need and really desire. He knows some stuff about you that you still don’t know yet! With G-d you’ll get more than you asked for because that’s the type of Father he is!
I have been taught that in the dating process, you never spend time with a man who is not really a candidate in your mind for marriage. You have to limit the touching and feeling because it clouds your judgment as far as it relates to your discernment. G-d will tell you stuff but we often ignore what he says because our flesh is involved. And there must be maturity in all areas--spirituality, mentally, financially.

I have also been taught that if a man is not willing to pay bills and expenses in the dating stage, you can not expect his mind to change to that notion after you are married. Women tend to think that’s puts them in the same category as a ho? Why? The most valuable thing G-d has given to us is time. Why shouldn’t a man be willing to do that type of stuff for you prior to getting married? Biblical dating came with gifts. But you also never accept gifts from someone you neither like nor consider a suitable candidate. Ho’s accept money from anyone and anyone can have her time for a fee. That’s the difference.

Pray before accepting any date because everyone is not even worthy of your time nor attention. Thinking something about yourself is not being haughty. It’s understanding your identity as A Daughter of the King! We have to put away childish things…In high school we dated whoever smiled at us, gave us some phony compliment and looked good, dressed well, etc. That’s stupid! We have to grow up in the fact that we are somebody special--we have something to offer and just anybody can’t do it for us. Most of us just need to look at our record to realize that we are too dumb (yep, I said it) to pick a man for ourselves. Everything we have ever picked has hurt us. That alone should be enough to back off, and shift our focus. The theory that G-d helps those that helps themselves is neither biblical nor smart. G-d helps those who are willing to yield themselves to him and do what he says!

The point is not going backwards. You stated that wonderfully. You are trying to get somewhere. The last thing a woman who is trying to get somewhere needs is a man who isn’t going in the same direction she is going.
Finally, I have to tell you that though I am not single, I still get the picture. And please don’t give me that crap about “She don’t what it is to be lonely or needing sex“--Baby, you can be married, lonely and in need of good sex! So, that does not make me unqualified to say what I have to say. Still, you pray about all things, even what I say. And what you initially thought when you encountered that man, is the wisdom of G-d. It’s in you at all times to know what to do. Just continue to pray. When it’s time for you to get back out there you will know. I always tell women to focus on G-d and let the man find you the way the word says (Proverbs 18:22). You can hardly find a woman willing to do that. Too impatient! But impatience is the normally the reason for the last “Bozo” that you trying hard to forget, wondering how in the hell you even considered him to be worthy fiasco--Wait When he does G-d will let you know “yea or nay” if that is your mate. By way of a dream, a vision, a spoken word or just a knowing in your spirit. But that knowing will line up with the word! Anything G-d says or does lines up with the word. If it doesn’t, it’s not him.

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And something about premarital sex, you do not need to test drive prior to getting to the altar. Women need to understand that you sow a seed in the flesh, you reap one. Your body is not equipped to receive seed from every male. Every illness has a spiritual reason. For instance--yeast=error. Something is making contact with your body that shouldn’t be. During sex, the woman is giving and the man is taking. You really are losing something whether you believ it or not. Your crotch is not the red sea preparing for Pharaoh’s army! We have to learn to take care of our bodies. I’m just sayin…..

And no I am not trying to be "high minded nor holier than thou"--if you are thinking that you are missing the point. I have not always lived or acted saved, or been saved--but now that I am, ther must be a separation in how I live with that of the world. Otherwise I am wasting my time. I said all of this because I have been there and done that! Yes, I shacked prior to marriage and I ignored every sent sign and every person who tried to say anything to me as it was related to my relationship. So anyone with that thought, needs to repect my "elder" status!

Be Blessed.
Chosen.

Holiness: the apparent(meaning your actions) practice of good conduct, superior conversation, and a good attitude--not the length of your skirt, your church denomination or your eccelsiastical title. It's your submission to G-d, his word and his way. It's a work. I'm still trying to get there.