Learning from our Mistakes….
Okay--here are some questions that I was asked on yesterdays post that I just had to answer…
T said…
"I gotta keep it real on this one (hope you don't get offended). But I was JUST talking with someone the other day about how irritating it is for people who have already been "out there" and done everything under the sun to enter the ministry and to tell others "don't do that." In your case, you even lived with your hubby before marriage and I assume you're still married to him...so what can one of your single "disciples" possibly get from that? There's no lesson there. Essentially, you received your "fruit" i.e. your mate while doing the "wrong" thing, so what would their incentive be to do the "right" thing, i.e. not shack up? But this concept is not exclusive to you. Heck, I have an uncle who's now a preacher who did a lot of dirt before marriage (like 3 out-of-wed kids), but every Sun. morning I presume he's getting up there telling others what not to do. Just makes me squirm a little..."
First off, I have to say that I am never offended--Psalms 199:165 say that if you love the word you can’t be offended--why? Because the word is the truth. Not only that, I really don’t have a problem with answering questions. When I was little my momma used to say the only dumb question is the one not asked. That’s too true.
The reason I can warn others about not being out there shacking and having sex prior to marriage IS because I did it. It’s the experience and the pain of the situation that causes me to sit at my desk and write to other women and warn them. When I was out there having sex, I was essentially giving away a piece of myself to people who were both unworthy of the gift and unworthy of me. Whenever I hear a woman say that she loves herself and yet her actions say otherwise, I know that she has yet to understand what real love is. Truth be told, if you even like yourself, you won’t lay down with anybody.
There’s an exchange that takes place in the act of sex. The man is taking and the woman is giving. You know it’s true because why else would she then do completely insane stuff when he decides to move on or cheat--she sits outside his house, calls him ferociously and hangs on to someone who can’t see the value that’s in her. Fornication creates a “soul-tie”. It’s something that really only G-d can deliver you from. As I said yesterday a woman’s body is not designed to receive seed from every man. You can be allergic to man seed. Hence infections and cancers--because every illness has a spiritual side. It’s really sad that our bodies then know that and we still are too ignorant to get it.
And yes, I did shack, club, drink and smoke prior to marriage. It was fun too. I have to admit. But looking back, I wish I was smarter. I don’t regret the things that I did because I understand that that’s how I learned who I was. It’s from those errors that I truly understand how valuable I am . You know, I hear “G-d is better to us than we are to ourselves”. A truer statement can’t be made in that respect. It’s like in the garden when Adam and Eve sinned, they chose fig leaves for a covering and G-d chose mink. We don’t value ourselves the way he does. All those people we have on our lists he would have never given us.
I warn women, especially young women, because some of those relationships I barely made it out with my sanity! It was those “soul-ties”. The damage is not momentary it’s a struggle to eradicate all of those things out of you afterwards. There is a certain level of death that occurs in you after a “hellish” relationship. I realize that some people don’t make it out alive. They die either physically or emotionally. I happen to believe physical death is far simpler than the emotional. The trust that was G-d given has been replaces with the enemy’s fear and shame. Not only that but as women, we are trained to settle. That’s what women’s liberation is all about. “I can do it myself--I don’t need a man”. Okay, then why does G-d say that it’s not good that man should be alone?(Genesis 2:18) So then G-d is lying?
You have to learn how to exist without one until the one for you comes along, but women were created to be cared for loved and to care for and love. We really are the weaker vessel. We desire to be strong, and we are. Weak doesn’t imply incapable but that we have the understanding that we lack something that has to be added back in. The strength that’s in us there to under gird who G-d gives to us. You ever notice how no matter what you did for a man--you tried to help him get himself together or help him propel to another level physically, emotionally, career-wise and it didn’t work--no matter what you did? Your strength was not designed for that man. But we end up expelling the strength that we were given for a specific man on men that it was wasted on. Then when you do finally get the genuine--if you are so fortunate and so few are due to impatience--you have very little left to give him and you end up treating him like all the counterfeits treated you. We were created for someone--that’s why The story of eve being pulled out of Adam is there. Every chapter is infused with a lesson to show us the way.
You “cringe” because you are tricked into believing that it’s hypocritical of people to have done the things that others are still yet doing and now that we’ve stopped, to warn them. It would be ignorant not to. We are battle worn and torn from those experiences. And I happen to believe that there’s always an element left behind of those things to remind us of what we went through so that we don’t “return to our vomit“. I myself used to “cringe” because I was not yet ready to let go of the possibility of doing those so I resented someone trying to keep me from them. It’s the enemy’s trick to get us to believe that we are missing something if we don’t experience everything that people warn us from. And G-d has others warn us because he knows that it’s just the enemy’s way of bringing forms of captivity to us.
And back to the shacking, If G-d would allow me to list all the hell I have been through as a result of my husband and I being ill-prepared and immature. We are both great people. We simply forgot to count the cost of our actions. And why shack prior to getting married anyway? If you are so sure that this is who you are supposed to be with, why not go for the gusto and get married anyway? The fact that you have to shack prior is an indication that you are already unsure whether it will really work. So therein lies the question--if you already have reservations why even afterward go forward and get married. People who say “we know we’ll get married eventually, so we’re going to live together” are really just taking a test run because they really aren’t sure. Shacking is a form of immaturity--whether it be financially, emotionally, whatever the case may be. Somewhere in that relationship there’s some doubt or something that they feel needs time for change so they are simply waiting on that to take place. If they are honest with themselves they’d admit that. (sheesh…I had to go back and read that myself) People who get married after shacking, usually do so, not because they really want to, but because they shacked. They don’t want to feel as if they have wasted this period of time in their life instead of realizing that that’s the reason not to get married.
Now, I wrote all of that to say, that you can not get what G-d has for you going about it the wrong way. If you are now “saved”. The word of G-d says old things are passed away (2 Corin 5:17). You should operate in the world the way that G-d desires you too. Not like you used to. Operating in the kingdom lines up with the word because G-d and his word are one. He is not going to get your spouse through fornication. It would be a violation of truth. Anything that looks as if it’s the what he has for you, will soon show it’s true colors. The word says that every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17) it also says that the blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it (Proverbs 10:22). If you study Genesis chapter 1 when G-d said something was good, nothing has to be added to that. If you got to fix it, repair it, compromise for it, settle for it--that was not G-d. You just have to be honest with yourself and say I may have missed it. What G-d has for you, will not require you to step down to the level of someone who has no covenant with him, and do what they had to do.
I realize that we are not perfect and we will make mistakes and quite frankly it’s because of those mistakes that allow some of us to serve him a wholeheartedly as we do. I write and speak so that maybe someone will learn from what I did, and to have to experience it. I say this all the time--I don’t have to screw everybody and get AIDS to realize that it’s real and that it’s painful and that it can lead to death for me to believe that testimony of those who have it. There are some things I don’t have to experience to believe and to understand. That’s what I hope women who read my blog will get. Some of us failed because no one did tell us and as it relates to the church, if you don’t tell people why and show them how to conquer these things, you waste your time telling them not to.
I know I was long winded, but I assure you I had originally planned to have a paragraph answer. If this answer blesses you, thank G-d. I have had to go back and read this post myself several times before even posting it! If you have some time, I would suggest you stop by Sugar Girls place and read her powerful testimony on this very subject.
**The answer to the other question about what “saved” is. Will be posted on my “Rivers” blog.
Be blessed--as always…
Chosen
Okay--here are some questions that I was asked on yesterdays post that I just had to answer…
T said…
"I gotta keep it real on this one (hope you don't get offended). But I was JUST talking with someone the other day about how irritating it is for people who have already been "out there" and done everything under the sun to enter the ministry and to tell others "don't do that." In your case, you even lived with your hubby before marriage and I assume you're still married to him...so what can one of your single "disciples" possibly get from that? There's no lesson there. Essentially, you received your "fruit" i.e. your mate while doing the "wrong" thing, so what would their incentive be to do the "right" thing, i.e. not shack up? But this concept is not exclusive to you. Heck, I have an uncle who's now a preacher who did a lot of dirt before marriage (like 3 out-of-wed kids), but every Sun. morning I presume he's getting up there telling others what not to do. Just makes me squirm a little..."
First off, I have to say that I am never offended--Psalms 199:165 say that if you love the word you can’t be offended--why? Because the word is the truth. Not only that, I really don’t have a problem with answering questions. When I was little my momma used to say the only dumb question is the one not asked. That’s too true.
The reason I can warn others about not being out there shacking and having sex prior to marriage IS because I did it. It’s the experience and the pain of the situation that causes me to sit at my desk and write to other women and warn them. When I was out there having sex, I was essentially giving away a piece of myself to people who were both unworthy of the gift and unworthy of me. Whenever I hear a woman say that she loves herself and yet her actions say otherwise, I know that she has yet to understand what real love is. Truth be told, if you even like yourself, you won’t lay down with anybody.
There’s an exchange that takes place in the act of sex. The man is taking and the woman is giving. You know it’s true because why else would she then do completely insane stuff when he decides to move on or cheat--she sits outside his house, calls him ferociously and hangs on to someone who can’t see the value that’s in her. Fornication creates a “soul-tie”. It’s something that really only G-d can deliver you from. As I said yesterday a woman’s body is not designed to receive seed from every man. You can be allergic to man seed. Hence infections and cancers--because every illness has a spiritual side. It’s really sad that our bodies then know that and we still are too ignorant to get it.
And yes, I did shack, club, drink and smoke prior to marriage. It was fun too. I have to admit. But looking back, I wish I was smarter. I don’t regret the things that I did because I understand that that’s how I learned who I was. It’s from those errors that I truly understand how valuable I am . You know, I hear “G-d is better to us than we are to ourselves”. A truer statement can’t be made in that respect. It’s like in the garden when Adam and Eve sinned, they chose fig leaves for a covering and G-d chose mink. We don’t value ourselves the way he does. All those people we have on our lists he would have never given us.
I warn women, especially young women, because some of those relationships I barely made it out with my sanity! It was those “soul-ties”. The damage is not momentary it’s a struggle to eradicate all of those things out of you afterwards. There is a certain level of death that occurs in you after a “hellish” relationship. I realize that some people don’t make it out alive. They die either physically or emotionally. I happen to believe physical death is far simpler than the emotional. The trust that was G-d given has been replaces with the enemy’s fear and shame. Not only that but as women, we are trained to settle. That’s what women’s liberation is all about. “I can do it myself--I don’t need a man”. Okay, then why does G-d say that it’s not good that man should be alone?(Genesis 2:18) So then G-d is lying?
You have to learn how to exist without one until the one for you comes along, but women were created to be cared for loved and to care for and love. We really are the weaker vessel. We desire to be strong, and we are. Weak doesn’t imply incapable but that we have the understanding that we lack something that has to be added back in. The strength that’s in us there to under gird who G-d gives to us. You ever notice how no matter what you did for a man--you tried to help him get himself together or help him propel to another level physically, emotionally, career-wise and it didn’t work--no matter what you did? Your strength was not designed for that man. But we end up expelling the strength that we were given for a specific man on men that it was wasted on. Then when you do finally get the genuine--if you are so fortunate and so few are due to impatience--you have very little left to give him and you end up treating him like all the counterfeits treated you. We were created for someone--that’s why The story of eve being pulled out of Adam is there. Every chapter is infused with a lesson to show us the way.
You “cringe” because you are tricked into believing that it’s hypocritical of people to have done the things that others are still yet doing and now that we’ve stopped, to warn them. It would be ignorant not to. We are battle worn and torn from those experiences. And I happen to believe that there’s always an element left behind of those things to remind us of what we went through so that we don’t “return to our vomit“. I myself used to “cringe” because I was not yet ready to let go of the possibility of doing those so I resented someone trying to keep me from them. It’s the enemy’s trick to get us to believe that we are missing something if we don’t experience everything that people warn us from. And G-d has others warn us because he knows that it’s just the enemy’s way of bringing forms of captivity to us.
And back to the shacking, If G-d would allow me to list all the hell I have been through as a result of my husband and I being ill-prepared and immature. We are both great people. We simply forgot to count the cost of our actions. And why shack prior to getting married anyway? If you are so sure that this is who you are supposed to be with, why not go for the gusto and get married anyway? The fact that you have to shack prior is an indication that you are already unsure whether it will really work. So therein lies the question--if you already have reservations why even afterward go forward and get married. People who say “we know we’ll get married eventually, so we’re going to live together” are really just taking a test run because they really aren’t sure. Shacking is a form of immaturity--whether it be financially, emotionally, whatever the case may be. Somewhere in that relationship there’s some doubt or something that they feel needs time for change so they are simply waiting on that to take place. If they are honest with themselves they’d admit that. (sheesh…I had to go back and read that myself) People who get married after shacking, usually do so, not because they really want to, but because they shacked. They don’t want to feel as if they have wasted this period of time in their life instead of realizing that that’s the reason not to get married.
Now, I wrote all of that to say, that you can not get what G-d has for you going about it the wrong way. If you are now “saved”. The word of G-d says old things are passed away (2 Corin 5:17). You should operate in the world the way that G-d desires you too. Not like you used to. Operating in the kingdom lines up with the word because G-d and his word are one. He is not going to get your spouse through fornication. It would be a violation of truth. Anything that looks as if it’s the what he has for you, will soon show it’s true colors. The word says that every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17) it also says that the blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it (Proverbs 10:22). If you study Genesis chapter 1 when G-d said something was good, nothing has to be added to that. If you got to fix it, repair it, compromise for it, settle for it--that was not G-d. You just have to be honest with yourself and say I may have missed it. What G-d has for you, will not require you to step down to the level of someone who has no covenant with him, and do what they had to do.
I realize that we are not perfect and we will make mistakes and quite frankly it’s because of those mistakes that allow some of us to serve him a wholeheartedly as we do. I write and speak so that maybe someone will learn from what I did, and to have to experience it. I say this all the time--I don’t have to screw everybody and get AIDS to realize that it’s real and that it’s painful and that it can lead to death for me to believe that testimony of those who have it. There are some things I don’t have to experience to believe and to understand. That’s what I hope women who read my blog will get. Some of us failed because no one did tell us and as it relates to the church, if you don’t tell people why and show them how to conquer these things, you waste your time telling them not to.
I know I was long winded, but I assure you I had originally planned to have a paragraph answer. If this answer blesses you, thank G-d. I have had to go back and read this post myself several times before even posting it! If you have some time, I would suggest you stop by Sugar Girls place and read her powerful testimony on this very subject.
**The answer to the other question about what “saved” is. Will be posted on my “Rivers” blog.
Be blessed--as always…
Chosen
posted by Chosen at
6:40 PM
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