Monday, July 31, 2006

Growing Up…

Yesterday Serenity talked about “her girls” which I found hilarious because I too have been having a similar issue. I told my daughter yesterday before we got on the elevator to go to church to be herself. She is always asking me if I like what she has on or if it looks right. I give her my opinion but I always tell her to “do her”. I don’t worry about stuff being too skimpy or whatever because it’s not even coming up in here like that. I’m shopping with her so, it won’t even make it to the cart. I want her to learn now to like what she likes regardless of who else likes it. My opinion shouldn’t matter on some things. An opinion and wisdom are 2 different things. My opinion is based on what I like for me. Wisdom is based on what G-d has to say about handling a situation. She needs to understand that now so she doesn’t get it twisted.
Before we got on the elevator I said to her, “Be you because that takes work.” She asked me what I meant and I told her “It’s easier to be someone else than to be yourself”. I was just talking fast as I do from time to time, but what I said came straight from the Holy Ghost. After I said it, I had to stop and chew on that myself. I realized after we got in service and the subject came up about cloning or imitating other people near the end of the message that there was a very important lesson in that.
I have been married for 10 years. I don’t really think that I knew who I was prior to the relationship, and I am just starting to figure myself out now. I think initially I hoped to be just who I was in the beginning but because I was married I began to put myself to the side. I started looking and acting like I was supposed to. Whatever that meant. But I kept my hair for my husband and I looked like he needed or rather wanted me to look. Being a mother I also believed there was certain things that I shouldn’t have on while with my kids or whatever because how can I tie one of the kids shoes with my panties showing from under a mini? So I have suppressed me. I don’t really feel inclined to do so now. I have struggled with my identity too long to start to regress on that thing.
Serenity’s story was funny to me because I too have big breasts. I never thought I would have them, but they showed up and they act like they are here to stay. (they don’t know their days are numbered but they are). Yesterday I had on a tank under a light sweater. The “girls” were waving at me all day. Not inappropriately, but just more noticeably propped up. I was feeling fine when I left the house but I started to notice some of the women looking at me as if to say I needed to have worn something different. I think not. I’m not a clone. Been there, done that. It’s over. I tried to be the suit wearing woman like the rest of them but it’s really not me. I am a jeans, t-shirt/tank and stiletto kind of girl. You wear your suit and hat, I’ll strut in what I like. Yes my hair is blonde--I’m not actually in a minority there but as a minister, I am the only one. (that was my husband’s idea and it grew on me) Still, I don’t care. When I don my clerical attire, I wear the appropriate wear. But any other day, I have to be me.
Here’s my point, I am growing up. Years ago I would have changed and did the clone thing. Now, I do me. One lady in particular was looking at me as if she wanted to say something, but oh well. I was waiting for her to so I could “bless” her. What you think is inappropriate may be inappropriate FOR YOU. But don’t think that I’m going to submit to your thoughts on that thing. If you think your husband was staring at my “friends”, you might want to put you one on so he can look at you instead. I am not going to wear underwear hanging out or whatever. I‘m not dressing “stank” while I am G-d’s house but don’t tell me my jeans are too tight or that my shoes remind you of hooker heals. Don’t buy any for you. I like mine. Matter of fact, the higher the better. They are perfect for me.
The end of the message yesterday changed my whole view. Like for instance when we see other women with stuff hanging out or whatever, they are doing them. They knew what it looked like when they came out so let them do them. If it bothers you, don’t look back. You can help it. Stop looking. As for the men--they simply need to make a covenant with their eyes like the word says.
And yes I know someone is prepared to go to 1 peter 3:3-4--uh huh. I could simply say that he was saying not to spend more time on physical appearance than you do your spirit and then i would refer you to 1 Samuel 16:7 But that would be obvious. Scripture answers itself if you let it, that’s why it says precept upon precept…refer yourself to Rev 2:20--and then go back and study by way of history I.E. Josephus so that you can know the historical context of that letter and then I don’t know maybe let G-d tell you what that means for YOU. I know what he told me, what did he say to you? I’m not attempting to lure anyone or seduce no man. I’m being me. G-d knows what my intentions are and so I’m comfortable.
Some women never had this issue--I applaud you. For you all this may not be a big thing, for me it is.
I am finally growing up.(Yeah!!) It’s a major step for me. It took all this time for me to get here and It feels great! Just wanted to share that.
Be Blessed .