First things First...
I have to first do one thing, I must apologize for the last post. I felt that I needed to vent here but I have learned that there are some things that are better left unsaid. I simply failed to operate in it. With that in mind, the father had to deal with me for writing that post. I have had to learn over the course of the last year, that there are some things that belong only between you and G-d. My relationship is one of them. He's handling it and I am submitted to the process. He spoke to me this afternoon to remind me that one the greatest rules of deliverance is learning how to be patient--that means learning to remain the same, without complaint. I was reminded that the children of Israel spent 40 years in the wilderness because they were being humbled, and proved and so that they would know what was in their hearts (Deut 8:2). He's waiting for you to be empty of yourself. You have to learn how to follow his instructions the first time and not on your time. One of the main things about the children of Israel was that they murmured and complained. In the text the word murmur actually refers to becoming halt in progress. They complained so bad that they literally had to stop their progress along the way. I can't afford to have to stop my progress. I don't have that kind of time.
So I failed first to even acknowledge him before posting that message. He said that I need to acknowledge him first in his word (proverbs 3:6). I failed to do that and I know first hand how painful disobedience can be. With that said......
I was sitting in the car today after church and I was telling G-d how I have noticed that everyone seems to have made some great connections at church. I don't happen to have very many friends at church and every association that I had made, oddly enough they all have left the church save one. Hmmm....It's weird, I know. I noticed that if I have one too many conversations with a person, it's just a matter of weeks before they are out the door. So far my count is about 7 or 8 people. I'm talking about people who were there before me. (I know that has nothing to do with me) It's simply their time to move on for whatevcer reasons. Usually the get into offense with someone in the church or whatever. My spritiual father said G-d is going to purge the church before he's able to pass out his million dollar checks.
Nevertheless, i'm really not a random conversationalist. I don't have discussions with people on anything but what is relevant to me or them. I was thinking that people thought that I was snobby or antisocial or something which is so far from the truth it ain't even funny! But I asked father and said "You are right where you are supposed to be." It almost seems unfair. Now I am not the only one who is going through this. Several of the other ministers have mentioned this when they preach.
Anyway, my husband gets in the car and starts to recount a conversation he was having with another minister and this minister shared with him what father had spoke with him on the exact same thing. This other minister repeated exactly what father had said to me. It really doesn't make any easier but it's part of the process. The wilderness is such an uncomfortable place. But I know it's necessary.
Have I mentioned yet that I have the most fantastic kids in the world? There are five of them--4 in my house.
The oldest just turned 14. I call him "prophet" because that's all a rebellious streak does is train your children to be prophets! Children have a way of thinking they are mature when they are still "green' little babies. He's coming in, it's just a matter of time. Meanwhile he is a great artist that is very introspective and sweet. He's extremely creative and is always cooking up an idea in his mind. He's working on some kind of painted shoe thing that I am looking forward to seeing the end result on.
Then there is "model" who is 12 almost 13--She's beautiful and smart and we have the best time together. Other than father she is the only person I really trust to be completely honest with me. She is the most sensitive of all my children and can read me like a book. She will do great things one day with her fabulous trend-setting style. One of her designs-a dress-is being sewn by one of the ladies from church. I can't wait to see the finished product.
Next there is "the curly haired preacher" that is 7. He likes to tell me that he is a preacher and that he can't share with me what G-d has told him yet. He's keeping all his sermons to himself for a later date :) He's smart and very articulate. He's either a lawyer for his ability to argue or a doctor with his love of science and dinosaurs. Whichever way he goes, he'll be great either way.
The three year old is "the granola bar boy". I think I simply nursed him too long--15 months. He's extremely clingy and he interrupts me at 3 or 4 a.m. in the morning for a granola bar like clock-work. He's sensitive and sweet. He's also very blunt and will tell you exactly what he thinks which can be a good thing and a bad thing depending on the moment. This one is an engineer. He loves anything mechanical--building, cars any thing that has to be constructed.
And finally there is "baby diva" who is 16 months old. She already wants her toes painted and lip gloss on. It's hilarious! This is the first child of mine who enjoys getting her hair combed. Most curly haired children hate the job of tackling the head but this one will bring the brush to you. She's bossy and has all the makings of a CEO. She just refuses to not to have her way. She's adorable.
These have to be the world's best kids! I'm sure most parents that that about their kids. Mine really are. With each one I have learned a new side of me. Corporately they all encompass the love of writing, learning, reading, creative stuff and are analytical, honest and sensitive just like me. They happen to be compassionate, sensitive, hilarious, game lovers, hard-working and analytical like their father.
I can not tell how immensely privileged I am to be their mother! Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers!
Be blessed.
Chosen.
