Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Today I am 32. I used to believe that being this age would be depressing. But now, I guess I'm just happy to be able to have made it this far. It has not been all rosy and pretty. But for some reason G-d loves me enough to keep me around. I look back and I can't help smiling, because no matter what, it's all back there and not up here if you know what I mean. I am grateful for this new season of my life. No matter what today looks like, I happen to know it's just a figment of the imagination. Otherwise it couldn't change. No matter what, I am on my way somewhere at Father's leading and that's sufficient for the day.

No extravagant gifts today but I got the best stuff from my kids. My daughter "Model" gave me a beautifully written letter that she stuck inside my bible at some point this morning and it's worth a trillion dollars. My son "The curly haired preacher" gave me a picture and the "Granola bar boy" just gave me the best hugs and kisses this morning. I wish you could have heard "Baby Diva" attempt to sing "Happy Birthday". It was so cute. Barely a song but since she danced with it, that makes it a music video in the making.

I have no spectacular plans for the day with the exception of sitting and watching about 4 episodes of the reruns of "Felicity". I love this show! I don't do TV and I really couldn't tell you what shows are on now but I discovered the reruns of this show on one the cable shows and I decided to watch it from the beginning via Online. Which is a great service for the kids. And I will be eating homemade Popcorn with real butter, my favorite. So much for the weight loss thing. I have a formal on June 10th and I will be down to the size I want to be as long as I only allow myself the popcorn and no late night eating. Our spiritual father has decided to throw us a formal to celebrate his church in the east that he favors so much. I am excited! I haven't found a dress yet but I'll find something in the next 2 weeks that will do me justice.

As for the house, we looked at 2 of them. Both I have to say were way too small. One had 3 bedrooms and the other had 4. First of all--did I not say that I was looking for 5 bedrooms? So how do 3 and 4 fit anywhere in the equation? They were both beautiful, I'll give you that. But I looked at a 5 bedroom last year with a kitchen that had a hearth room with the fire place, a large upstairs den, dining room, living room and all that which was even in "budget" if I was going off of that but this is beneath my standards. I have a vision. I know that I may not find exactly what I want because it's my vision. But It has to be close enough for me to enjoy driving up to on a daily basis until I can build what I want. So I am back to square one and I am thinking of consulting another agent. This person is fantastic, but If I go off what I would want to do, I would simply go back to the place that I went last year and go from there. Now my husband is ready to settle. I can't even say all I want to say about that and possibly not without cussing which I have overcame a long time ago, so I'll move on... But I'm sure most of you feel me.

It's time to go back and make sure I heard Father right the first time and then have him tell me what to do next. So I am surely going to meditate on those wisdom scriptures and he will supply the answer. I don't want to operate out of season, too fast or too slow. And I definitely want perfect will. I can afford not to have it.

With all that said, I must go so I can go and watch my shows. I'll probably end up sleep in the midst of them somewhere. TV and movies have a way of doing that to me.

Be Blessed.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Yoo-Hoo Moments…Random notes.

Today has been a good day. I have been relaxing for the last 2 days. (Yep, me, relaxing). I am not at all high-strung except for when it comes to kingdom business. This year particularly I have been put in a pressure cooker because I am determined to get all my stuff. When I say it sounds as if the whole thing with the kingdom is about the accumulation of stuff. That’s not it. It’s about acquiring the testimony. I haven’t won very many battles with the adversary. It’s not because I couldn’t win a couple of them, it’s just because the word I had from G-d was not respected so we failed. Getting my stuff, is about defeating the enemy. I hate him. He just comes in uninvited and runs all over you leaving you defeated and discouraged. I have had to pick myself up too many times to allow him to keep me from the promises that I have been given.

With that said, I realize also that it’s not about me. It’s about him being allowed to finally be the father he desires to be to me. I didn’t have a father. I had a step-father--sounds like the same thing but some of us know that having someone can also be like having no one sometimes. So I am looking forward to the care of a real father. Having him spoil me and do for me what I am incapable of doing for myself.

The other thing is that my children are watching me. They need to know the kingdom works. We raise our children telling them not to sell drugs and to love G-d but they often grow up in want their entire childhood. We don’t show them that G-d does reward holiness because we don’t know how to acquire the promises of G-d. Many people avoid coming to G-d because they see us struggling on this side. They feel that it’s easier to have what they want and stay where they are. It’s not enough to live holy and be in lack here because that’s not how G-d desired for us to be.

I have the greatest children. They are smart and beautiful and sweet and I know that I am going to give them the life as children that I desired to have. It’s just a matter of time…I know that.

“Model” is entering a pageant. It’s her first. Initially I really didn’t want her to be a model, even though I think she’ll be wonderful at it. Too many horror stories and so much travel that it would be too much separation at times. But, It’s really her choice. She has decided that she is going to use her star status to do kingdom work from the runway and the red carpet, I think she’ll be fabulous at it. I stayed up late last night helping her get her essay perfected and pulling together her personal profile. I know that she’s going to win. I don’t say that to be smug or anything. It’s just a feeling that I have. I have only one concern--the talent area. I told her to plan it now because she is really unsure about what she is going to do and I am trying to get her to stop waiting until the last minute before she has figured out exactly what she wants to do. She hates the lecture but I want her to get the point.

People fail because they failed to make a plan and be diligent with it. I myself have missed a great deal of things because I failed to make a plan and implement it. Although I didn’t know that back then nor did I have anyone to be that type of role model, I know now that it’s up to me what I do once I realize the lesson. Father told me, he wants us to grow to the point where we learn to lean on him for support and he will provide those people in the natural to back us. But we never should blame it on having no support. I tried to start a ton of businesses back in the day but being young I didn’t know how to stay focused and look past people who didn’t share my vision for what I was trying to do.

The lesson that father told me recently is that he wants us to keep our focus on him and not allow what else is going on to distract us. That is how we make him a priority and make success possible. I thought I was doing that, but I realize that my focus had shifted to people in my life after reading a comment from LB made on my blog last week. I have been guilty of making people idolatrous in my life. I realized I was slipping back over there by retaining too much focus on certain situations in my life. I was acting as if the situation was not handle able by Father. I know he can handle it. But I wanted him to eradicate it now. Problem is, I haven’t learned to retain my focus only on him yet so I am obviously not mature enough for it to be moved. G-d wants us to be caught up with him only. Nothing else.

I have to tell you that I am in some great company here in blogland. (But of course you all ready know how great you are--but let me toot your horn anyway) I have had the privilege of meeting incredible writers who I have great respect for. They don’t know that so often they confirm a word for me with the comments that they make or how they inspire and encourage me on their blogs. I want you all to know I appreciate you so much!

And finally, “Baby diva” is really getting to be too much. This morning as I was preparing for church this child was sitting on the counter in the bathroom screaming because all the pink polish on her toes is gone and with those new sandals she got this weekend, I guess she simply was not having it! As soon as a broke out a bottle of clear, and did her feet she was just as happy. She got her little purse and was ready to go out the door. I can’t believe that at 16 months she already knows exactly want she likes and wants to that degree. We call her “Baby diva” because I often find her putting on clothing out of her drawer or trying to put on “Models” lip gloss. She could care less that “model” is almost 13 and she is jut a drop in the bucket to that.

Well as I sit here sipping Yoo-Hoo and eating popcorn, I realize I have to get up and go to bed. I am going to look at that house tomorrow. Just out of curiosity. I dreamed about a house not too long ago before the prophet confirmed that this was our season for our house. I want to see if this is the one in the dream that I saw.

Stay tuned…

Be Blessed.