Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Changes I’ve been going through…

“The quality of your character is so much better than those around you who have not been through what you have been going through”.

Quoted from a prophetic letter form my SF.

I love this quote. The experience of adversity is intangible. It doesn’t feel like it in the midst of things, but later, the lessons—if they are gained and held on to, make all the difference in our character.

I have officially been here in Colorado for 3 months now. I have had some good days and some really messed up days. It only feels official now that I am finally in my own space. I’ll be the first one to admit that my husband made a great choice against the other house. I’m in a townhouse with about the same amount of space and with 98% percent of the amenities that I wanted in the house. And we are saving about $300 a month. Considering how angry I was for him not going with the house, I made sure I let him know how well he made this decision despite that. I’ll be the first to admit that I have issues with his ability to make quality decisions because he is easily influenced by others when doing so. We’ll be set to go one way and next thing I know after a conversation with someone else-he’ll change his mind. Now the word does say that listening counsel is wise (proverbs 12:15). As long as it’s G-dly counsel, I’m all for it. Considering some of the messes we have had to come out of as a result of hideous decisions, it’s going to be awhile before I trust every way he wants to go. But I’m open to learning to be. What can I say? Marriage has its loops. The whole bringing two people together to create one life is a process. 10 years later, we are still working at it. And it's definitely not always easy.

The one thing I have realized in the last week is that I have outgrown some relationships and friendships. Conversations they want to have—I really could care less about. I feel the need to be involved in anyone’s business but my own. I know all of that is a distraction to keep you from working on yourself and getting your own life in the order that you want it to be in. I have too much mess to work out of me to keep me busy for a while! Besides watch anyone who is where you want to be and you will find they only have focus for what they are trying to accomplish in the own "world". I was cautious about this move because I knew that I’ve outgrown some things (and people) before I got here. And I understand that “iron sharpens iron’. (Proverbs 27:17) If the people in our vicinity don’t make us better—they make us worse. They can stunt our growth and progress. I refuse to be caught up in that. Oddly enough I received a ministry letter from my SF on this very subject. I don’t feel so disconnected from my ministry home now. (This was another issue with me.) But I understand that I am here for a season and whatever G-d has to teach me during this time, is priceless.

I am already learning how to be more organized, more precise in my goal setting and how to shift negativity into a positive. I am working on my "100 hundred things to do in 2007". A list I don’t plan to miss one opportunity to check every last thing off. Not new year's resolutions—but things that will affect me and change me longer than the span of 12 months.

As hectic as things are right now, I am so grateful for all of it. My kid’s smiles and freedom in their on space is worth all the work I still have to do. I am so looking forward to the holidays. Although I think I’m going to do Chinese for dinner instead of all that cooking. I may just cook desserts and call it a day. I haven’t even started wrapping yet so I have a ton of work to do in that area too—I always wait until the last minute on that for some reason. Besides that—nothing much else is going on worth writing about.

Until next time…

Be Blessed.