Sunday, August 13, 2006

Words can’t express…A bit of randomness
I know it’s been quite a while since I last posted, but I have been incredibly busy thanks to the start of another year of home school, my daughters pageant, writing projects and personal issues. But now that the pageant is over, I am not having to do excessive running around and what-not’s for that, I have more time to write. My daughter did not win--thank G-d and I have learned several new things about myself as a result of the experience.
The first thing is, I could not be a pageant mom. NO….the girls attitudes change under the pressure and I would jack smack mine and desire to jack the others as well. The small girls were fine, it was the teenage girls that got on my last nerves! Talking to their mother any kind of way, YELLING at them and DEMANDING things to be done for them. Yeah, it worked on me. My daughter set on a tangent once and I reminded her that I would jack her and she came to herself and apologized. I am not a pageant fan any way simply because you say you want them to show who they are but you are picking what they wear, coaching them on what to say and even dictating how their hair should be. Um…when are they going to get to choose something that truly represents who they feel they are? Emulation kills creativity and the anointing every individual carries. The word calls it a work of the flesh. It’s hard enough to get a girl to think for themselves as it is and then we go teaching them how to act and walk like everyone else. Why did my daughter enter the pageant then? Because it’s not about what I like, she has her own tastes. With kids, you get excited about what they like and support them while keeping your comments and thoughts to yourself. She had a fabulous time and performed wonderfully. Aside from all the issues I have with the whole “cloning” thing, I had a fabulous time. I loved the interaction with the girls, the giggling, they joy and excitement they feel having conquered something they were afraid of. And I love that they are being taught how to be confident, diligent, and hardworking towards a goal. She’ll do it again next year. And I will right here cheering her on. Enough said.
The other thing is I am so thankful that I have been entrusted with the care of my children. It’s amazing how much G-d desires to teach us through the ministry of parenting. When I am forced to give one of my children a lecture about certain things, I too end up learning something. I have all of my mistakes at my disposal to share with them the wisdom that I have gained a result of those experiences. Parenting is such a privilege. You never completely have a hang of it and there’s always something to learn. What works for one child won’t work for them all and that’s fine. It just means that I have something new to learn. And since he just lent them to me, I try to my best ability to seek him on how to handle all situations with them--Psalms 127:3 say they are the heritage of the lord--heritage meaning they are his. I constantly remind him of that when they get besides themselves By saying "G-d, get your child before I do".
Anyone who knows me well, would tell you that I have an insatiable desire to learn and then to pass along that which I have experienced as a result of my new found information. That’s why I love books so much. So many lessons and nuggets of wisdom within the pages. That’s also why my love affair with the word is so strong. I can read the same pages everyday and each time I get something new and I understand that I will never exhaust it. The more I read, learn, and understand, the more G-d can reveal to me.

I am in the middle of reading a great book-“A Piece of cake” by Cupcake Brown. It is a fantastic testimony about the power of G-d’s hand on a life and the work that only he can do to us and through us. I love it. The only thing that saddens me is that she is not the only woman that has or that will suffer these things. The word tells us that our temptations are common to man(1 Cor 10:13) That just let’s me know that some girl/woman is experiencing those same things as we speak. I have done some mess on my own and put myself in the middle of some mess and even my children have had to tag along on some of it, but after reading the first couple of chapters, I told G-d that I was thankful that her testimony was not mine! Being delivered from what I have been through is quite enough, thank you.

I have also recently begun to really appreciate all unanswered prayers. You know the ones I made ignorantly like “please don’t let us break up”, or “let us get back together”, “ please let me get accepted to college in Hawaii”. You know, dumb prayers that were usually attached to people I didn’t need or getting things out of season that I was too immature to handle or be a good steward over. Words can’t express how grateful I am for his protection in my phases of stupidity. There were cars I couldn’t have afforded and money that would have certainly only increased the mess I was in.After all the hell I have been through, asking for his perfect will no matter what the cost is, comes easily and naturally nowadays.
Be Blessed.