Monday, September 25, 2006

G-d's all sufficient Grace...
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I am so busy. I knew I would be when I got here. It's a new place, I have an incredilbe list of "to do's" during this season and I am essentially starting over. Despite every obstacle--the traffic can be hellacious and I get lost just getting to the house some days, my day starts at 3 am and doesn't end...I still absolutely love it! I love that I never really know what the weather is going to hold for me on any given day. Yesterday what looked like a winter coat day turned out to be a t-shirt day. I, of course already had on a sweatshirt that I had to make do with until I reached the house again, but I could take the heat. I love the views and even the people.

Busy...for me, busy currently translates into 4 daily cooked meals, 8 kids(sometimes 11-12) 2 cats, and 4 adults. And I have decided to homeschool my nephew as well who is behind. After one week I already need a vacation. However, I am still enjoying myself. I have absolutely no complaints about the amount of work that has fallen into my lap. It's not always easy or enjoyable, but I have learned to depend on G-d's strength for those moments. (For a lot of moments). I have had to mature rather quickly in the fact that just because people are saved does not mean that they understand the work that G-d is doing in your life. Nor are they able to recognize who you are to him and in him. What they do is misjudge your whole circumstances. But finally I am no longer anxious to try to prove to them who I am or what I am. I let them walk in their assumption and I continue in the clarity that I have. It's caused me to take a whole other look at who I "put my mouth on" or what I say about people. I don't know all nor can I see all behind the scenes. I pray that this new found understanding is something I never forget while looking at others.
It has been a long road to my contentment with being at home. Though I always wanted to be a wife and a mother and be at home, I did not wwant to do it this way. I wanted to work from the house with assistance. I.E. a nanny, tons of money and a host of other things. Obviously G-d and I must have gotten our wires crossed cause' that's not how it happened. Nevertheless, After years of complaining, I realize I wouldn't really want to be anywhere else. I am good at this. Not everyone is for whatever reasons. And heaven knows, initailly I lacked quite a number of skills. I did start out hanging on the phone for way too long and not giving my best to the meal preparation or the keeping up with things as I should. Everyday, my oldest daughter tells me something I used to do that got on her nerves. Of course, she was a smart "little wench" who liked every thing her own way--from birth. Thank G-d she out grew that phase! Thank G-d I grew out of all of mine as well. When faced with financial issues, people automatically assumed that I needed to get a job. I listened to them as well trying to get one. Failing to truly trust G-d nor understand that it was where he had placed me. I had to let others have their say taking their criticism knowing what he had told me. The word says acknowledge him in all our ways...what others can't see, has no bearing on the validity of what he has told me.
I am learning that part of maturing is allowing people to say and think whatever and still treat them the same. Not in the spirit of thinking that they are simply ignorant misguided folks, but understanding that "eyes have not seen...". It's not their fault that they can't see. And even greater than that is allowing them to say what they want without even desiring to backlash them with words in their face or behind their back. Just remaining the same. It does bother me to know that people think so little of me. But then I am guilty of thinking so little of others.
I have simply reaped what I have sowed. Who would have thought that it would be so painful.
I have learned that G-d's grace is enough for me. Even when I cry or i'm tired or I feel like it's all been enough. His grace carries me through.
Be Blessed.Chosen.