Friday, January 25, 2008

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us…”: Ephesians 3:20

I don’t think anyone can do a disappearing act like I can. However I have always said that when I needed to I could totally not write for a while until whatever else that I had going on could be taken care of to the best of my ability. And that is what I did. I always say people make time for the things they want to make the time for. I preach it often at work so I know that while I could have made the time to keep this blog up, I simply decided not so that I place my complete and total attention elsewhere. Sometimes G-d will have you in a season where you are getting to know Him and in doing so you get to know yourself as well. That’s where I have been for the last year.

I have had to rebuild my family life, first and foremost my marriage. I have purposely been silent on the subject as I removed myself from the equation and allowed G-d to be G-D! So often flesh can try to determine a path for us that while it may seem like the “Yellow brick road”, it is the farthest path away from where G-d is trying to take you. I will be the first to admit that I have struggled with this marriage for an awful amount of time. Often believing that we were so far away from any possibility of reconciliation. However, the one thing that had to happen before that was even possible was that I had to go back to the basics and fall in love with myself. And when I say that I mean all of me. Shortcomings, failures, periods of stupidity all of it. From all of it I had to learn to rebuild the trust in myself that I am capable of being, doing, accomplishing, having, all that I have asked for in my life.

I have admitted trust issues before—with other people-not realizing that I have to come to that point with them because on a deeper level I failed to trust myself. Before I got married I knew I wasn’t supposed to get married then. I always thought It was because I had the wrong person, when He was actually talking about the timing of it. I was not emotionally prepared for the relationship. I failed to allow G-d to process me like I needed to be. Quite frankly I needed to be healed from past hurts, relationships and childhood traumas. I picked up some habits regarding relationships from the women in my life-aunties, my grandmother and even my mother. LadyLee pointed this out once and I was to bull-headed to see it then, but during this year, I have often thought of her words because I was finally able to see the truth in them. Thank you for speaking even though I was able to receive them at the time.

This past year has allowed me to deal with those past things to the point of where I don’t even feel pain like I used to. I can think of past hurts with indifference and even smile because I know that greater good has come out of them. Through all of that my heart was able to be open to being able love myself as well as others like I have wanted to all of my life.

So my husband and I have been working on our relationship this entire time. Becoming friends again like we were a very long time ago. Learning to listen and really hear one another on a different level. Working together to build the relationship wanted to have from the very beginning. And it has been hard work. I had to learn to focus more on me than what I felt was wrong with him. I think with any type of relationship, that is where people get off on the wrong road—worrying about the other person instead of themselves. Once I began to change, my husband response to me changed and in the process along the line, he changed as well. It’s been incredibly good. Not perfect, but always working and evolving.

My relationship with my mother has also greatly improved as well. For the first time since I can remember, I often miss her and pick up the phone and call her to check on her and to hear her voice. I am actually looking forward to her coming to visit me at some point this year.

2007 was a good year. I know that this one will be even better. G-d is so faithful!
I have more to re-cap and I will at another time in the next week. I have a lot to share from the things I have been learning this year.
Be Blessed. Chosen.

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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Run your race…

“And let us run with patience the race that is set before us…: Hebrews 12:1c

I can not tell you how much I have missed this place. Writing is so much of who I am that when I don’t do it, I know that I am definitely missing out on something. I haven’t even of late made time to at least read my other favorite blogs so I have a lot of catching up to do.

Life is good. Not because everything is perfect or going well, but merely because I’m thankful to have it. I have decided to slow down in some areas of my life. Mainly my schedule. Over the summer I spent tons of time running between home with the kids’ activities, taking care of my family, work, and trying to find time for myself. I ended up with a cold that I found a little harder to get over than usual. My daughter, who is 14, suggested that I rest- not partially but put “my list” down and be still. I think I ignored her “childish” advice for about one more week before I decided that she had the word on that thing. While I was still, G-d reminded of all the things I REALLY wanted to do and why those things were important.

The first place I made cuts was in my job. Shorter hours with less responsibility work best for me. As much as I love it, I realized after some prolonged thought that I allowed myself to get caught up with all of that. Ever go into something with one clear intent and find yourself completely off target a while later forgetting what it was you originally desired? That’s where I found myself of late. Initially I took it to put funds into other projects I wanted to expand of my own. Those projects have found themselves on hold longer than they should’ve been. But once I started this job, I fell in love with my clients and wanting to use that place as a form of ministry. And while it’s still ministry to me, I lost my desire to become a director like I thought I wanted to. I think more than anything, I kinda got swept up in the fact that for once In a long time I felt necessary, capable, and talented and accomplished. In hindsight I was simply receiving from people a validation of who G-d had already showed me I was. Sad, but true. Accepting that promotion was a blinding moment. I allowed myself to be distracted. But, with clearer vision, I’ve taken a step back and 10 steps forward.

I don’t know what came over me. I’m competitive by nature. I never thought that I was, but during this fantastic year of discovery, I know I am. That competitive spirit serves to work well at times and works against me at others. Initially, I needed to erase doubt within myself of what I am capable of. You know erase some invisible stigma I thought was attached to me as a “Stay at home Mom”. I allowed myself to compare myself to other women thinking I can do more, give more, be more. You know that whole unwritten standard that we can try to adhere to. I have always in the past been able to see the value in what I took on as a stay at home mother. You can’t belittle wiping runny noses, hugging away tears, reading story books, or preparing home cooked meals. It’s intangible. Somehow I forgot that.

I understand that I have to run my race. My life works for me, because it’s built on my core beliefs and around my priorities. I define the standard. It can’t be compared to no one else’s. I am called to something totally unique. Therefore I have to run at my speed, on my level and in my time. I live a fantastic life. And in that I am beyond content. I feel no loss with my steeping away from what may seem like a great position. I already had one, I simply needed to be reminded of that.

As always, Be Blessed,

Friday, September 07, 2007

Hidden Wisdom…

“Then said I, Wisdom is better than strength: nevertheless the poor man's wisdom is despised, and his words are not heard”…Ecclesiastes 9:16

One of the things that I have noticed within myself as well as in others is a certain lack meekness. I am working hard on that. I have learned that every one has something to teach whether it appears to be apparent or not. Teenagers tend to hit this stage at some point and it irritates the crap out of parents. As my children get older, I notice this habit quite often. I just smile because I realize there will come a time when they will come to their senses and grow out of it. Looking back I realize that I must have really gotten on my mother’s last nerve! I do happen to notice that some adults remain trapped in this stage. Some of my clients do this from time to time and I often want to shake them until they hear me but I have learned to restrain myself. Take for in stance, I work in a health related field and while I was teaching on health and nutrition everyday I hard a hard time practicing what I preached. So of course some of my clients ignored my advice and what I had to say even though they were paying to do so. Once I began to actually follow my own advice (and minus 22 lbs) they now know that I knew what I was talking about.

I really appreciate the clients that listened regardless of whether I looked like I was the size they felt I should be. Those who listened while I was struggling with my own personal commitment to my health are now at their goal or within a small range towards it. All because they were meek enough to receive from me regardless. Had they learned early in their life to learn to be objective they too could be further along also.

My point is this, I once had this philosophy that if you didn’t have what I wanted or were where I wanted to be, I would ignore you. After all what could you possibly have to share with me? I have long ago abandoned that advice which I found in a business book years ago. The word talks about a poor man saving a city yet his wisdom was despised (Ecclesiastes 9:15). The funny thing is, is that some people aren’t looking for the same things as the rest of us, yet that doesn’t mean that they don’t have good advice or that they can’t be a rung on the ladder towards our success. If nothing else, they know what things not to do in life. Every area may not look like we think it should and they may struggle with their own issues, but they still have the ability to teach us a thing or two. G-d spent a lot of time using people who didn’t seem to it the bill for being able to teach or be His messengers. Take Naomi and Ruth for example, Here this woman is giving advice to a young widow to catch a man, a rich one at that, when she didn’t have squat to her name. Yet in following that advice Ruth scored the man and a new life. If she hadn’t been meek, she may have missed her destiny! Plenty of people ignored Jesus because He didn’t fit their expectation. G-d certainly does use the foolish things does He not?

I recently ignored some wisdom that I despised at the time because I still thought, if this person knew so much then why were they not doing more with their own life? Later when I was still G-d showed me my own haughtiness and I was ashamed. And since I have come to the same conclusion as that advice from months ago, I realize that G-d used this person to speak words I ignored and I could saved myself some time, effort and energy! From now on I will slow down, listen and take what they have to say back to G-d and ask Him to illuminate what has been spoken—whether I should listen or ignore it since I failed to do that the last time. Lesson learned though.

Until next time…
Be Blessed!

Monday, August 27, 2007

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

I know I have been missing for a minute, but as I always say, if anything has to be cut when life gets busy, he blog is the first thing, I put off until things slow down. Not that things have actually slowed yet, but I missed reading my favorite blogs and I definitely miss writing here.

I can’t tell you how much I love living here. Funny thing is, I really didn’t want to come. I just couldn’t imagine moving here and being happy. So I came almost kicking and screaming. It’s weird how we talk about wanting change and then fight it every step of the way when G-d pushes us in a new direction. It’s that unfamiliar territory that scares us because we forget that G-d is going to be with us every step of the way on our new journey. As His children, He would never let go of our hand until we are ready to stand on our own.

As much as I thought I knew about me and with all the things I thought I was beginning to learn, I realized that I still know very little about myself. I have come to realize little things about myself that while new to me are very familiar to G-d. Take for instance, living here. I’m at the point of not being able to imagine living anywhere else. If you would have told me that I would be saying that almost a year ago I would have laughed myself silly. What makes me love it so much is the fact that there are tons of family geared activities. There are hundreds of parks and trails in the communities that allow families to stay active together. And I love natural things. Outside is my favorite place to be. The climate is perfect for outdoor activities. Just enough heat during the day with a breeze still flowing to keep you cool most of the time. (I.e. there is very little humidity). We have been taking the kids to the mountains on the weekends or on off days so we can all hike and walk the trails and just get out and spend time together. They love it! There is lots of open space for growing children to run and play endlessly.

Surprisingly, I have been so incredibly happy here. It’s just been an amazing time for me. But I realized that I had linked everything that was good to this new place and quite frankly that’s not what it is. While this may contribute to my overall feeling of well being, it’s really because I finally really like me. Faults, imperfections, and still “under construction”, ME. I finally get that I can only give what I have. I can’t instill confidence in my children if I don’t have it for myself. How do I teach it to them? If I don’t truly love all of me, how do I fully genuinely love them or anyone else? I hear people say they love someone when you can tell by the manner in which they treat themselves and allow others to treat them that they couldn’t possibly. Placing others before yourself or giving more to another person than you give to yourself is no indication that you love someone. That’s just a common misconception. It starts with self first. That’s why Jesus made a point to tell us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31). How can I love you like I love myself if I don’t love me? Loving me first benefits all those in my circle. It’s a trickle effect. Looking back I can now see how I attracted some of the people I did in my past. People who treated me like dirt because secretly I treated me the same way.

In this season, G-d has shown me how to open myself up a little more. I had to be open to myself and first and now to others. With my heart open, I am more able to fully allow love and friendship in my life. It’s been absolutely amazing.

But here’s the thing, all the things that I am discovering about myself aren’t new. They were there all the time, I just never allowed myself to entertain them. Often we set up boundaries early in life. There are things that we some how feel are for “others” but not something we would do ourselves. Most of that is “environmental programming”. We limit ourselves based on the experiences we have as we grow up and the people we are surrounded by during that time. Parents and loved ones have the ability to either feed our hopes and dreams or stifle the limitless possibilities that our lives can be with their fear and obstructed vision of the world and life in general. But at some point if we allow G-d, He will show us different aspects of ourselves that tend to go unnoticed because we fail to be open to anything but that which we feel comfortable with. We tend to want to avoid things that will genuinely make us accountable for who we are It’s in the midst of those new discoveries that we are able to see how to live our best lives-- the life He predestined from eternity.

Being more open for me has opened many doors that would have otherwise remained closed. So much of the reason why I am loving life here has very little to do with where I am living or the people that I have met but more about me coming into. well ME. I have found a peace and an element of quiet confidence in my Father’s ability to keep me in any circumstance. It’s not new, however I made the discovery just when I needed to. There are a lot more discoveries that I have to share but since time is short right now, I’ll reserve them for later.

Until next time…
Be Blessed. Chosen.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Checking myself…
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11

G-d is so awesome! I have to tell you that I am so blessed by His parenting and His care of me. I’m about to transfer to another center within my company for better pay and scheduling. I am really looking forward to it simply because I know that my talents will be better utilized there. My job is fantastic, I absolutely love it! I had been a little frustrated because from time to time I have been discouraged from going above and beyond or from wanting to do things the way I was trained to do them. I decided that I was going to do me and work as unto G-d and not complain or care what others thought. A couple of weeks ago another center called me and asked if I wanted to come over there. I gladly accepted. Better pay, better hours and I will be in the center that was originally my first pick anyway. A couple of weeks went by and I hadn’t heard anything and I begin to wonder when or how and for a moment even IF. The offer was so good that I wondered if I dreamed it. I decided to let go. After all, delay means there are some lessons in there somewhere that I needed. I knew that it would be just a matter of time before G-d moved me. Finally this week, the Area director came and talked to me and not only offered me the job at the other center but she offered me another promotion that I will be training for as well. I was really shocked because I thought that I was waiting for one thing and got something much better!!!!!!!!!

But through the process, I realized there are some lessons in this period of time that should be used in any life situation. Back in the day when preparing to move from one place I would stop giving my best, sort of saving my time and energy for the new place with people that I thought would appreciate me. In hindsight that was very immature and I missed some things back then. Like for instance, You have to continue to give a 110% as if you were in the place you are preparing for. Every act is a seed and we know that seed bear after their own kind. I want a harvest of giving my all, so I’ll continue to give it regardless of whether I get it back or not. The harvest is coming, it just may not come from the placed I’m sowing it.

Another thing with that is that G-d uses people to mature us. Part of the maturing process was to be able to look past people to reap the blessing of the place I am in. I always remind myself that the people I work with are not the company I work for, they are EMPLOYEES just like me. I work with them. Sometimes people can’t handle your “shine” and so they try to discourage you from being great. Just because they have lost their zeal for the job they do, doesn’t mean that I will allow their mess to rub off on me. I smile and keep moving. G-d uses them to work the kinks out of me. I’ve noticed by watching them, I learn what not do and even pick up some things that I can use along the way. Reminds me of Jesus and his disciples. Though he knew who the betrayer was He never called him by name because quite frankly, there was a little of Judas in all of them. I love how they all begin to wonder if it was them which lets me know we have to check ourselves every once in a while. In the midst of this, I learned that because I value me and the work I do, I could care less if the people working with me do or not. They don’t issue promotions and they don’t sign my check! If I always keep it in the perspective that at all times I am working for G-d in this place, I can handle anything and anyone.

Another thing is you have to learn to be happy, really happy wherever you are despite people, situations and obstacles. If you can be happy in place that’s far from perfect you can be happy anywhere. Most people expect to be a little unhappy or unsatisfied without the things or circumstances that they are waiting never fully understanding that’s the lesson G-d is trying to teach us during those times. In being happy with my life as it is today, in being grateful for every rough place, every day that was less than perfect, I won’t have any problem continuing to be happy when I arrive at my next destination. If you can’t be happy in the mean time you really won’t be happy later. Real happiness, I’ve discovered is in Him. It’s taking simple joy in the life that He gave, therefore understanding your value to Him and His love for you. I am happy with just Him. It’s so cool to realize that I am with my Father every single day and that He’s there to help in any situation. Besides it’s still the seed thing as well, So if I want happiness and contentment there, I have to have it here as well so that I can reap it later.

I believe that in the ability to be content i.e. able to live my life to the fullest not putting things of to a time of “when”, I am truly able to be mature of for things that I am waiting for. Are all of my days perfect, no. But I EXPECT to have great days every day. I expect things to be only good because scripture says that with G-d all things are possible. And since He’s always with me, I expect only the best. Do I still have emotional moments? Yes. I have learned to talk myself through them by reminding myself of who I am and what I am capable of. I re-shift my focus to all that is good in my life and that does it.

Finally, I have realized that just because situations can look like things that have happened to me before, it’s different this time. Something in it is different. Sometimes you can get so accustomed to the journey being the same that you miss the subtle differences along the way. The mere fact that we seem to be going down the same road again is because we missed the lesson in that situation the first time. Looking at a situation from a different angle often leads us to the thing we missed the first few trips around. What we find is our key to deliverance in this area. It’s surprising the things that you miss along the way. The being happy at all times was major for me. I wish I could describe all the ways its making a difference in my life, but I think it's intangible to anyone but me.

As always, Be Blessed.


Monday, June 25, 2007

“Secret” Ignorance…

"Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts.
For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little"...
Isaiah 28:10-11
I have to tell you with all the media buzz and media attention the “Secret” is really making the rounds. Though it is not new it is highly misunderstood. The whole concept is based on a biblical, spiritual law. Most Christians can’t tell where it’s found and because of that they associate it with the devil. Which is sad because contrary to popular belief, the enemy has no power and no weapon except deceit. And if you believe that the scriptures are true, it says that he has already been defeated. Most importantly he doesn’t give anything. His nature was uncovered by Jesus in John 10:10. He steals, kills and destroys. But I’m getting off here. I think the publication of the Secret is a fantastic thing. In the right hands, that book will be a powerful resource to anyone who is already grounded and rooted in a relationship with G-d and His word. A spiritual person, and by that I mean someone who has a real relationship with G-d everyday, not just Sunday, who picks their bible up on a daily basis, can see scripture all through the text of that book or others that are similar regardless of whether they are written in plain sight. However, most people who read it need a little more study because there are other spiritual laws at work. Anytime you can read a book like that you have to study the other laws to see where this law fits into place and if there are higher laws than that in affect. The biggest thing that I have noticed is people talking about that law of attraction and then in the same sentence they speak something contrary to having that law operating in their lives. Creation by words is a higher law than attraction. The word says in the beginning was the word and the word was G-d. We create by what we say, think, do and even feel. That’s the danger in a little information and not enough understanding. The word tells us that we are destroyed for the lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). It also tells us to study (2 Timothy 2:15).

What we speak ultimately comes from what we think (Matthew 12:34). To operate in that law we must first work to diligently to change the habitual thinking that we have had over the entire succession of our lives. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to keep our hearts (minds) with all diligence because out of it flow the issues of life. That means we really have to check ourselves with our thinking. Because what we think tends to flow out of our mouths and then ultimately show up in our lives.

I found out real quick after reading the Power of Positive Thinking” how much work needed to be done in that area. I read that book over and over so that I could work on my thought “life”. I STILL read parts of it to keep me fresh. The word warns that repletion provides safety (Philippians 3:1) But mainly, when it comes to any of those self-help books that come with affirmations and all that, they are lovely BUT if you have at any point confessed Jesus as your L-rd and savior, they will not work for you like they do others who haven't. Why? Because the Word of G-d is the highest form of truth. You need to get you a scripture to speak. Regular words don’t have the same power as G-d’s word because He and His word can’t be disconnected. Therefore you are speaking Him into the situation.

Our experiences are largely affected by our thought lives and they tend to come from environment and past experiences, good or bad. Whenever I’ve said that in previous conversations, people have looked at me as if I had just cussed them as it relates to something they are going through. Part of that is because of personal responsibility. We like to blame everything and anyone but ourselves for our lives and never fully claim that we happen to be at work against ourselves a lot of the time. It’s like speaking that you are healed but in the same sentence say that you are sick. No matter what you feel speak the same thing all the time. If it’s healing, you continue to speak that regardless of what else is going on. You can not say that you are rich and then say you are broke. It works against your previous confession.

I applaud change. Change is required to inherit His promises, so I am all about working to be better every day. And Self Help books are great. I use them myself in my daily life because Proverbs 1:20 says that Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets. I don’t limit where I can find the help I need. G-d uses many methods to teach us. However, it must line up with the word. And we have to study those things over and over to get the full benefits of it so that we don’t find that same wisdom working negatively in our lives because we don’t have enough understanding. The one thing I realize from reading a ton of self-help books is that most of them lack a true understanding of G-d as it relates to His nature and His set order. So they miss a few vital things here and there. I learned that the hard way years ago when I attempted to use one in my life. I had to mature in certain areas before I could pick another one up. And just listening to people I know that most people have yet to realize that yet. James said that a mature man would lack nothing (James 1:4) that's what I strive for--the peace of G-d. True peace-Shalom-Nothing missing, nothing lacking and nothing broken. Just wanted to share that.

As always, Be Blessed.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

And then God answered: "Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time.
Habakkuk 2:2 The Message

I had a post tribute to my Father or Fathers day all planned and written out. But for now, I’ll leave that as my love letter to Him and I will share it on another day. Today, I want to share something that He told me this morning, because in the event that anyone else is struggling with what I have to say, I pray that this will bless you as much as it did me this morning.

As great as things have been going for me lately in my professional life, there are other areas where I am faced with making a decision and sticking with it. Actually, the decision was made quite some time ago, I just have to follow thru with it and I have been struggling with that. I was going over the reasons in a talk with G-d why I could just continue with the status quo, continuing to settle in this area as I drove to work this morning and He very nicely asked me why I value me so little that I would even consider surrendering my vision for my life. Hmph. I never really thought of it that way. I was in the mind frame that I was going to making an unselfish choice for the greater good. I said that expecting to receive His approval on that, but that didn’t happen. I continued in this conversation or quite some time and for times sake here’s the lesson.

That vision that we have of ourselves, the one that we can close our eyes at any time, imaging, that causes us feel stirred, moved and motivated, is from G-d. Lack of faithfulness to it continually causes us to surrender it and compromise for things far less than what G-d wanted for us and surely what we want for ourselves. The lack of commitment to that vision is then a lack of commitment to self. We fail to find ourselves worthy of the things that we really want so we settle for what we feel we can tolerate. Compromise then, in a nutshell, is a form of self-hate. It’s born from fear which manifests as doubt. It also speaks clearly how little we care for ourselves when we do that. I realized that if I genuinely believed the promise of that which is to come, then compromise would not even exist in my mind. Thatthought alone is making me rethink some things. Am I the only one that struggles with that? Some areas it's not even that hard. But there are a few things that require something that I have yet to devleop for me. I see it clearly for others, but not always for me.

True love desires the best and gives the best, not only to others but to ourselves as well. This why G-d gave all for us. He expects us to give all to Him but no where does He say present ourselves as a sacrifice to others. If we’ve given all to Him, there is nothing left to give to anyone else. Giving our all to Him trickles over into all other relationships as a benefit to them, but that’s the extent of it. We are no good to others if we don’t first express love to ourselves. In order to be committed to anyone or anything, we must first learn to be committed to ourselves. I find that the more committed we are to G-d first, the more able we are to carry out commitment to ourselves because part of that commitment is about being pleasing to Him. Part of that lies in going in the direction He sets no matter how hard it looks or what decisions have to be made to get there. It’s simply another level of trust that has to be developed

In the midst of that conversation, I really got that anything that he didn’t originally give to me, He expects me to relinquish at some point. What G-d gives is good, blessed, and it always requires maturity to handle and keep. Too often I find that we don’t know what He gave and what we trick ourselves into believing that HE gave. I tricked myself for years thinking that and I have had to pay for that as a result.
If I would’ve had that same conversation with anyone else, I would’ve been angry with them for even suggesting that I lacked care, concern or love for myself in any way shape or form. I also confess continually that I don’t believe in fear or failure. However, G-d knows more than my mouth speaks and sees more than I can see. One day what I speak will show up but until then, I need to eradicate any hindrances to that out of my life. I realize that the biggest thing was not simply just my failure to be committed to myself, but inability to recognize that G-d’s vision for me—what I see with my eyes closed—can’t fail if I believe Him for it. And I guess I just be willing to take that big leap.
As always,
Be Blessed.

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